All We Had
by Carchs
Summary: Major Kaidan Alenko can't sleep. The memory of Eris Shepard, his former Commander and lover, still haunts him 3 months after the Reaper threat ended. But one starless night is about to give him all the answers he needs...


******_Author's Note: _**_I've written this short story while listening to "Taking Over Me" by Evanescence and "Everything We Had" by The Academy Is... and I wholeheartedly reccomend both these sounds as soundtrack. Surprisingly, the title is part of the lyrics of the first song. And Natmonkey is awesome for helping me with this. You may now proceed._

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**- All We Had -**

Oh man. Another one of those sleepless nights. As I sit up in my bed the sheets fall from my chest and I look at the clock on the nightstand. Shit, it's 3 AM. I can't sleep for more than two hours without her popping into my mind, haunting me. I rub my eyes, trying to forget the dream I just had. It's been well over three months, I gotta get over this. _Again_. This time is even worse than the first. I'm going crazy.

The truth is, it's killing me not knowing how. Did she suffer? Was it peaceful? Had she taken her last breath before the damned Citadel blew up? Did she know she wouldn't come back? Did she know those were her last words to me?

_No matter what happens… I love you. Always._

Damn it. I get up and walk to the window. The night sky looks so starless and empty lately. The moonlight is bright enough to light up my bedroom, though. I can hear the waves crashing on the nearby beach. I finally got the house overlooking the Pacific. The one I was always telling her about, where she would feel at home. Heh. Now how can it ever feel like home if she's not here?

As I'm leaning on the window immersed in my own thoughts once again – the happy ones we shared – the door at my right slides open. From the corner of my eye I can spot a silhouette, but the tears that are slowly forming in my eyes won't let me focus properly. I finally give in and turn around to look at whoever is coming into my room.

Did I leave the living room lights on again? It's so bright in the other room than I can't really tell who is walking in. A woman, by the looks of it. Wait, how did she get in? And who is she? I feel my heartbeat racing and I try lifting her with my biotics. She raises a hand and somehow stops it. I try again. This woman may be dangerous. Why is she here? She keeps her hand in front of her, five fingers apart. I can't do anything. What the hell is going on?

"I thought by now you'd be asleep," the mysterious woman says. Though she doesn't sound that mysterious now. I know that voice. But it _can't_ be, it's impossible…

Finally the door behind her closes, and it takes a while for my eyes to readjust to the moonlight that shines through the window. I can finally distinguish some of her facial features: plump lips, deep green eyes and shoulder-length black hair. It's _her_. But she looks like a distant memory, the woman that gave herself to me that night before Ilos. No ponytail, no red scars. How?

I take a deep breath. My heart is racing. "Is it really you?"

She smiles. Man, how I've missed that. "That, again? I was hoping for a warmer welcome than that one on Horizon."

I can't move. Hell, I can't even think straight. "Shepard, I…"

She comes closer. She's wearing civilian clothes, from what I can see. A simple pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. "Come on, Kaidan. All these years and not once you've called me by my first name. Come to think of it, no one has." She stops right in front of me, her green almond eyes piercing through mine. "It makes me wonder if anyone actually knows what it is."

I manage to smile. It _is_ her. "Eris… Where were you, what happened? I…"

She rests her right index finger on my lips. "Shh…" she asks. "I'm fine now, Kaidan. I only have so much time. I wanted to see you, to reassure you. It was peaceful. Painless."

What is she talking about? "You're standing right in front of me." I take both her hands in mine. Did someone bring her back to life again? I know this isn't a dream, it doesn't feel like any of those I've had recently – cold, distant, lost memories. I can _feel_ her. Her warmth. Her fingers intertwined in mine. She's _here_. "Tell me you're staying. With me."

She comes even closer and kisses me lightly on the lips. I want to hold on to this moment, hold her and never let her go, but my hands don't seem to obey my command. When she finally pulls away I can see all the sadness in her eyes, but she seems at peace with it.

"Kaidan… You know I can't." She caresses my face with yearning. She's leaving. No, she can't. "I need to go now." Her face is expressionless. Tears flow to my eyes. Don't leave me again, Shepard.

She turns to leave, but I grab her wrist gently and make her face me. "Tell me you're not in any danger. Tell me you're okay."

She smiles again. "Of course I am, Kaidan." She breaks free from me and starts walking back the way she came from. The door slides open and once again I'm blinded by the light that comes from the other room. All I can see now is a diffuse silhouette of the woman I love. Of the woman I'll _always_ love. "After all, Ashley's got my back."

I gasp as I sit up in my bed with my heart pounding. Wait. When did I lie down? I look at the clock on my nightstand. 3 AM. Shit. It was just another dream. But this one felt so real. The door is closed. I look at it for several minutes, silently hoping that it will slide open.

But it never will.


End file.
